An Ode to Jake Humphrey

An Ode to Jake Humphrey

What would I do without your tweets
That keep me in the know
For when I need to know the grid
To Twitter I shall go


Spa weekend, hooray! Alonso setting best practice times, further hoorays! Therefore please look out for a special Spa weekend blog post coming very very soon!

Car-ma - A short musing

There will be few people who could resist a smirk when it was announced 'Webber and Vettel are bookmarking the field' at Silverstone. Let's face it, Mark Webber is a class act, generally loved by all and Sebastian Vettel is a petulant, sulking child 95% of the time. You may as well present him with a lollypop when he finds himself on a podium, as you would a spoiled brat on sports day.

Webber was forced to take Luscious Liz out on the track after Seb had decided she was no longer useful to him, then had his front wing pinched after what was no doubt a mammoth strop from his man-child team-mate. Team orders, no matter how you try to interpret them... are unsporting.

I believe this is why karma intervened and resulted in the hilarious screech over the intercom 'Punk-cha! Punk-cha! Right Rear!'


I laughed an evil laugh and took a victory-bite out of my crunchie.

Top ten favourite drivers (in my viewing career)

I got to thinking about my top 10 favourite drivers in the past decade or so. Do I need to explain that a little more or shall I just trot on? Thought so!

10. Kimi Raikkonen - Simply for the fact he is really really ridiculously dull. It's like his personality has been botox'd. Nothing moves...
Memorable moment - European Grand Prix in 2005... Kimi flat-spotted his tyre, thought he could make it to the en.... BOOM. No? HA.

9. Kaumi Kobayashi - Ooh! A new one? Oh yes. I see great things ahead for this chap. It's such a shame that Toyota withdrew from F1 as with Kamui behind the wheel they could have had a cracking 2010. Memorable moment is a very recent one, and one that breaks my heart a tiny little bit... when he managed to overtake Alonso and Buemi in the final laps of Valencia (booo)

8. Zsolt Baumgartner - Am I the only person who remembers/likes this guy? What a little cheery chappy he was.
Memorable Moment: In 2004 he took a point for Minardi in the US Grand Prix. Ferrari claimed a 1-2 in this race, and looked quite pleased, the camera then glanced to the Minardi pit crew who were going mental with sheer joy. It goes to show, one little point means a lot to some little teams.

7. Reubens Barichello - The equivilent of F1 furniture. He has just always been around it seems! Since 1993 he has been in almost 300 races, which is just phenomenal. What's more, he's never managed to win a championship!!! Though of course, for a good few years he was partnered with Michael Schumacher at Ferrari when team orders were considered 'A-OK' so his only opportunities were given away. Something of which I am sure he is quite bitter about.
Memorable Moment - Finishing 3rd in the Drivers Championship 2009... finally a return to the glory days of Ferrari... except yet again his team-mate finished in front of him

6. Mark Webber - He's sexy, he's Austrailian, he's a genuine nice guy and curiously enough he threw up in his helmet mid-race in Japan 2007 and kept going (food poisoning is a cruel bitch)
Memorable Moment: Jaguars last race 2004, and the lead up to it, where he was clearly the life and soul of the pit garage at such a sad time for the team.

5. Takuma Sato - To this day I'm concerned. Was he aware he was driving a Formula 1 car or did he think he was in a pinball machine? Man he put that B.A.R through it's paces. However when he wasn't hurtling into a wall or exploding his engine, he was a cracking driver. He remains the best Japanese driver to have graced F1... though I suspect there may be a pretender to that crown in Kobayashi.
Memorable moment: 2007 Spanish Grand Prix, and the point taken for Super Aguri

4. Michael Schumacher - He just kicked so much ass. He made me hate him. He dominated the sport. Of course in 2010 he is like a duck with a limp, waddling around trying to remember the good ol' days. "Why a duck?" you ask. "It was the only waddly annimal I could think of" said the Lynsey. Memorable moments... erm, how about the period between 2000 and 2004 where no one else got a look-in?

3. David Coulthard - DC! A fellow Scot! A racer who never seemed to catch the luck, yet whom nevertheless managed to rack up 13 race wins and enough points to rate him as one of the all time best point-scoring Brits (if you are reading this in the future... I understand this will probably have changed, so chill out you fussy pedantic bastards!) Memorable moments for DC would be the quotes:
"I know I screwed up the same way with Alex [Wurz] last year, and took full responsibility for it, and I would expect Felipe to do the same. If he doesn't, I'm going to kick three colours of shit out of the little bastard.".
"I don't pay for my cockpit or have a father who drove in Formula One - I am still here because my team believes that I bring them value by performing at the highest level"
"I wouldn't waste my time by going to see Juan Pablo. It would be like going to a zoo and trying to communicate with a chimpanzee. We speak a different language and have a different racing etiquette, so there is no point talking to him."
And who could forget that interview with Louise Goodman...
Louise: Have you been practising with that pit lane speed limiter?
David: Yeah I have. I've just been imagining it's your nipples. I'm being a bit more gentle with it when I take my finger off it at the end of the pit lane!

2. Fernando Alonso - I have been a loyal fan of Mr Alonso since I was first forced to watch F1 in 2004 by a Mr Alex Mauchlen... his argument of 'pick someone to support, just pick a name and you'll get into it I promise' was convincing. I picked Fernando for two reasons, one being I thought his name looked cool and the second being his... eyebrows... were so... enticing. At that point he had just started his first season at Renault following a pretty decent performance with Minardi. Since then I think 2 championships speak for themselves.
Memorable moments: awaiting the end of each victorious Grand Prix for him to hold up the 'how-many-races-ive-won' fingers. For a Fernando fan moments like that were almost X-rated

1. Mika Hakkinen - Just because he is a classic all-round good guy. He's entertaining, passionate and above all he did not have his head inserted in his own derriere which in my opinion is the reason there are so few likable drivers on the grid today. A memorable moment for me would be his frustration in Monza 1999 where he went off to find a quiet spot to have a little cry, alas there was a cracking big camera following him so it did not remain the private moment of reflection he was likely hoping for. His last season was in 2001 when he announced he was 'taking a break'... a break which I am still hoping will end soon.

So there you have it, a crude run down of drivers who perhaps aren't all hall-of-famers but who have had a lasting effect on my F1-loving

What a difference 4 years makes

20 year old F1 blogger Lynsey is dead and gone! Only, you know, not dead. At the wise old age of 24 I return to you with a refreshed look on the wonderful, glorious, addictive, heartbreaking, inspiring, thrilling, technical, tactical world of F1. My oh my how it has changed.
Please note. This first new blog will consist of verbal-diarrhea as I get used to my sea legs again.

Firstly my scathing review of a certain Mr Schumi I have flip-flopped about since writing. He retired, Fernando flourished, I rejoiced. However last year following Felipe Massa getting an unnecessary extreme close-up of the inner workings of the car in front I could not have wished for his return more. So badly did I want to see him swoop back in with some kind of majestic cape previously reserved for David Coulthards Red Bull podiums. So enthusiastically did I want him to trounce the competition and show everyone how a seven-times World Champion 'works it'. Some issue with his giant skilled neck caused him to decline. Boo. He decided to come back even if it wasn't to Ferrari... Michael, that was a mistake. My 'yeah! Schumacher!' outwardness has turned to me feeling like the only person to attempt to start a slow-clap... I'm clapping, everyone is looking at me in disdain, and I feel like a twat. To put it in text speak, 'retyr agen plz'.

In other news, I'm hoping that the person to whom I said 'If Jenson Button ever wins a championship I will actually eat a live goat' has forgotten and moved on with their life. I'm sorry but who saw that happening?! No offence to the chap, he and James Corden seem to have started up some kind of 'hey, F1 can haz comedy now plz?' thing, but he went for how many races without a win? The BAR Honda wasn't THAT bad, yet I'm sure on a few occassions he scratched his nose and flew into a barrier before announcing 'yeah, bad understeer'. Meh. I'll forgive him maybe because he's got a personality. Kind of. But I hate him. Although I don't. I follow him on twitter. Maybe I'll fling him a tweet to apologise for never believing in him.... but I can take the goat eating bet on not getting a reply :D (I secretly love you)

And now some sentences to sum up my feelings.

Zsolt Baumgartner never came back. Why? Why Zsolt? You were crap but I loved you so dearly. I always had hope. You let me down.

My beloved Fernando. Why so moody all the time? Cheer up love. My undying love is flirting with Mark Webber right now.

Max M, who's a naughty boy! YOU are!

Jake Humphries, yes. Continue.

I assume my next offering will have more of a point. We can only hope. Until then...

LK

Everybody Hates Michael (Circa April 2006)

Everbody hates Michael


Even for the most anti-sport people, the one name everyone associates with Formula 1 is that of Michael Schumacher. Love him or hate him, he’s the one everyone remembers… though the main opinion of him seems to fall into the ‘hate him’ category. He’s the personality of motor sport we love to hate, and his recent downfall from his throne as the King of the car seems to have gone down rather well with those who love to criticise him. There is one reasonably obvious question here though… Why? Here’s the man who’s won a record breaking seven title wins with two different teams, has more race wins than any formula 1 driver in history and is generally considered one of the most brilliant drivers to ever grace the sport, yet if you aren’t a hardcore fan, chances are you enjoy seeing him lose. Is this just a condition of being brilliant, or is it a little bit more complex than that?
Perhaps from a British perspective the fist-clenchingly (it’s a word) infuriating Australian Grand Prix of 1994 in which Schumacher controversially knocked into Damon Hill, forcing him to retire and therefore snatching the title in the last race of the season, could be considered a pretty solid reason to despise him. However, this doesn’t explain the rest of the World… oddly enough. We look now to Schumacher’s current team, and the team that he will likely stick with until his retirement, good old Ferrari. They’re a happy bunch (with the exception of Ross Brawn) who have seen many races dominated by their trademark red cars and too many victories to count (184… clearly I have too much time on my hands) but perhaps, nay, definitely can be accused of ‘spitting the dummy’ on various occasions when Ferrari seemed to be at a disadvantage. This is obviously seen as a spoiled brat attitude, and in situations where most teams would look the other way, Ferrari demand perfection. In my opinion in order to assess why Michael gets such a hard time you need to look to those above him. After all, they’re the ones who ordered Ruebens Barrichello the ‘shining light of Brazilian motorsport’ , to allow Schumi to pass in the closing stages in order to secure the title on two very memorable occasions… with booing and a controversial trophy switch involved in the latter. Perhaps watching a crowd-pleasing cheerful Brazilian being screwed over to let the team’s golden boy through is what has really irked F1 fans of late. The 2005 season came as a shock to everyone. It was the first time Ferrari lost the title since Mika Hakkinen took the title only 2 points in front of Eddie Irvine in 1999, the first time in the 21st century that Ferrari had lost in fact. Fans were happy to see a change, and a new champion driving for a different team winning was a refreshing change. So now the seven times World champion is trying to claw his way back to the top, and perhaps 2006 could witness his return… but many are hoping for a repeat of Alonso’s success or even a new title holder instead. At the end of the day , Michael Schumacher will always be remembered as the man who dominated motorsport by gaining titles over, wait for it, two decades. In a sport where everyone seems to love the underdog, perhaps the man himself should be pleased to have as big a support against him as is for him. Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Schumacher, the man, the legend, one of the most disliked men in sport.

LK

The Underdog review (bitchy version that never got published circa March 2006)

‘Super Aguri’, what a lovely racing team name. Relevant? No. However that’s likely to be the last you’ll hear of them this year. A little harsh perhaps but equipped with an aging Arrows chassis, some not so first-class Honda power and not much else it’s unlikely this team will even raise the bar high enough to become ‘the new Minardi’ and our favourite underdog. You have to love the runt of the track but I’m afraid Super Aguri are as likely to even start a race as this writer is to pass a few exams this year. No, if you want to support an underdog team this year, make it the brilliantly titled ‘Scuderia Torro Rossa’. Thank heavens for that well placed ‘Scuderia’ on the front or Italian fans may have wondered why there were four drivers racing at the same time for Red Bull. Think about it. Then we have what actually used to be Minardi with the dull new title of ‘Midland racing’. It sounds a tad adventurous… that ‘Mid’ at the start there. Perhaps ‘Second-to-Lastland’ would have been more accurate. Second last only to Torro Rosso, with everyone’s favourite Super Aguri on the sidelines wondering what it’s like to drive an F1 car. Meow. Maybe we should head to the front of the grid for a more positive glance.
Well Ferrari seem to be back, groan, a perfectly good team can suffer all they like in my opinion if it gets Ross Brawn taken down a few pegs. With the very odd addition of Felipe Massa (He came from nowhere that one, or Sauber) perhaps a little breathing space from the podium was all they needed to come back as the all powerful super group everyone so willingly despises. Kind of like Take That. Only kidding! People actually like Take That.
Moving on, Renault return (Can you say ‘We are the champions’?) with a lot of pressure on the cards this year. No-one really thought they’d beat Mclaren in both championships last season, and they did! So much like a once happy soap opera marriage, it’s all very likely to go horribly wrong. Perhaps Alonso’s imminent departure to the dark side will tear the team apart. Perhaps Fisichella will start a brawl in the Rover’s Return, who knows?

LK

Oh Joy! (Circa March 2006)

Oh joy! Oh rapture! The merciless winter is over and the grand Formula 1 season has begun. It’s been a while, too long, in fact so long three new teams have sprung as if from nowhere and our favourite underdogs Jordan and Minardi are mere memories. Such is the change at the rear end of the grid I have been almost too busy to care about the front runners. Who are these new teams? Where did they come from? Who do I love secretly now that Minardi are gone?
Well folks… if you want to go for the complete down and out, don’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell renegades, Super Aguri are the team for you! Currently running on a four year old chassis, with little to no experience throughout and two questionable drivers, Super Aguri originated from a heavy amount of Japanese F1 fans spitting the dummy over Takuma Sato’s ousting from B.A.R Honda. Enter Aguri Suzuki and his idea for an all Japanese team powered by a Japanese engine… Also he had a great deal of money, which tends to be a benefit when you’re trying to break into a sport where buying a steering wheel requires an unholy amount of cash, never mind the rest of the car. Bahrain saw the first outing of Super Aguri. It also saw the first pit stop which highlighted a few rookie mistakes. Firstly, both cars pitting at the same time is generally considered a bad idea, what with there only being enough space and mechanics for one at a time. A radio error was blamed, so forgiveness is granted. Secondly, if you happen to be the lucky driver who DOES pit, it’s perhaps best not to run over your pit crew. However with all the issues of being a new team, and the slowest to boot, Super Aguri HAVE managed to get a functioning team together in a matter of months and promise a much better car by around mid season. Hiring Sato the human cannonball was perhaps more of a Public relations stunt than good thinking, whilst Yuji Ide will still be adapting himself to Formula One. Though they may be the new Minardi, writing them off so soon may prove to be a mistake. Stranger things have happened.
One team I refuse to get on board with is ‘Midland F1 Racing’ or ‘MF1’. Admittedly this is partly to do with the fact they sound like a radio station rather than a legitimate sporting team. Mainly though they haven’t done anything to wow me so far. They’ve been in the background, not really putting themselves out there, which is an important part of being an underdog. People need to like you before they want you to do well and Midland just don’t seem to care. However, with an entire season ahead they could very well prove me wrong. I hope for the sake of entertainment that they do.
Then we come to the prettiest named team in all of sporting history. Scuderia Toro Rosso, how lovely? It rolls off the tongue with ease… though I do worry about the Italian fans who are sitting at home thinking ‘but there’s already a team named that, what’s going on?’ Now I get to show off and inform you that roughly translated, Toro Rosso means Red Bull. How fun, two red bull teams. It’d be lovely to see them face off in a midfield battle but Toro Rosso should be granted a little time to find their feet first. Also, possibly the greatest thing about Toro Rosso is the name of their second driver. Scott Speed. That’s a race winning name that is! I can’t wait till he eventually proves me right, though granted it would probably be with another team, or in about a decade. Again, stranger things have happened. Remember when Jordan almost won the championship? To put it as intellectually as possible… Who’d have thunk it?
One thing remains clear about this season, whilst the front running teams battle it out to see if the delicious Fernando Alonso can retain his title, the back of the field is certainly going to be an entertaining and possibly surprising added addition to the fun and craziness of the beautiful sport of Formula 1 racing. I personally look forward to seeing what happens, because right now swearing any of them off doing something of interest this year would be a foolish mistake.

LK

And so it begins...

I was once a young girl with dreams and aspirations... Of course, I'm not exactly anchient now. Back in the Spring of 2006 I wrote some articles for my University newspaper and a few got published (Cue celebratory dance and considering I was a student, I'm guessing a fair amount of alcohol was consumed)

Now old and withered, my student days behind me, I will soon be a quarter of a century old. (I have immediately alienated anyone older than me, fantastic way to start a blogging career.) With that, a friend/colleague convinces me that perhaps I should not give up on my dreams of telling everyone what to think about F1. Beginning of course with those articles from yore, I intend to get back in the driving seat, chortle chortle, and tell you what's what and who's who.

So here we go...

(Thank you JC)